Forgiveness

So let's talk forgivenesss. Someone very important to me is struggling with this right now, and I wish there was someting more I could do for them besides sympathize. I wish I could give them the peace that I have. Instead, I would like to tell them what I learned when I was struggling with forgiveness. And, with any luck, maybe it will help or maybe it's something they've already heard before.

But, what I have learned about this so far, as I'm sure I still have much to learn, is that forgiveness truly is an act that sets the giver free. I know that sounds like what they all say, but it is so true. When you finally decide to give it and truly give it, you are free. You lift away all the negative feelings you had about the matter. You get to let go, knowing you've done all you can and that your forgiveness may help the person forgive themselves. You are only hurting yourself by holding a grudge.

Also, I've found that when the transgression is great enough, foregiveness is something you have to work at. It's not something that can be given instantaneously when the emotional cut is deep. It takes a lot of work and time to put yourself in a position to forgive. It's not easy to give because emotions make it so hard to let go of the anger and hurt you feel. Even when you get to the place where you can forgive, it doesn't erase the wrongdoing. You'll always remember it, and so there will come times when you find yourself resenting the person again, times when you have to work for the freedom of forgiveness. Resentment is an ugly beast not easily slain, you will have to fight again and again.

Lastly, I don't think forgiveness absolves the crime. Actions have consequences and some have punishments. Just because someone is forgiven doesn't mean they didn't committ the crime. They are responsible Just because you give someone forgiveness doesn't mean you should continue to subject yourself to suffering at their hands. To me, forgiveness is something done for the future of a relationship. It's recognizing that person's wrongdoing and loving them in spite of it. Maybe your relationship, whatever it may be, breaks because of that wrongdoing, but forgiveness is being ok with that. Loving someone though you had to let them go, keeping hatred for them out of your body. Forgiveness is difficult, but it is worth it.

Here are some who said it better than I:

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.—Unknown

Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were. --Cherie Carter-Scott

Forgiveness means that you've decided not to let it keep festering inside even if it only comes up once in awhile. --Doc Childre and Howard Martin

Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past. --Unknown

You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well. --Lewis B. Smedes