Limited

Limited. Surrounded by a world of possibilities, but I still feel limited. I can't explain it. I can't understand it. How do I fix it? It makes me feel broken, defective not to know the answer. I don't like having problems I feel I can't solve, especially a problem that seems like I can't ask for help with it. How can someone else make me feel unlimited?

I try to look, but I can't see all the "endless possibilities" that everyone seems to know exist. My sunny skies, bright no more. But, who is responsible for my sun? I have an urge to turn to others for my light when I know I should produce my own. But, admitting that I can produce my  own is admitting that I was the one who turned my light off in the first place. It is so much easier to believe that it's me against the world; Atlas has nothing on me.

Why is it so much easier to dwell upon the negative? Why is happiness something I have to work for? So I can truly appreciate it when I have it? If I know I want happiness, why do I keep myself from working for it? Am I afraid of it? Can you be afraid of something that is supposed to feel so wonderful? It's not as if the concept of happiness is foreign to me. I know how great it can be, yet for reasons I can't fathom I continue to refrain from being so.

Shouldn't being happy be as easy as flipping a switch, as easy to turn a light on as off, right? The mind can seem so flexible at times yet so completely rigid at others. It knows it can change yet refuses to do so.

But, perhaps it's only a matter of time. Maybe a mindset can only change gradually; its's not an instant gratification type of thing. So instead of reducing my life to minutes, maybe I should try to take it day by day. As the earth turns, I shall try to turn my mindset, working to start each day with a new one. Like that, each day can be its own, unique and unlimited once again.