Start Again

I turn to glance at you, but you aren't there. I forgot. I forgot I left you behind. I forgot I left you somewhere else. Who will know what I'm thinking with just a meeting of the eyes? Who will understand me and remind me that I know myself? I make plans and wonder if you'll want to join me,but it doesn't matter. You aren't here. I forgot.


They say that at this new place I'll make friends, friends for life. Friends I'll miss so much that I'll be more than excited to return to see them again next year. But, making new friends almost seems like a betrayal to you, to the ones  I left behind. Yet, I have to admit that the prospect of meeting new people and the chance to enlarge my world excites me.


This new place has so many things to offer. Everyhting is so bright and shining and good. It makes me feel free and like I'm rushing towards a brilliant future that will far exceed my already grand expectations. However, this weightlessness is often countered by loneliness,a feeling as if I have left a part of me, almost all of me, behind. Who am I without the people who know me? It is through them that my identity exists. The people here do not know me. Do I exist?

Being here, I must start again. I must prove myself once more. I must make new people understand who I am. I must grow new roots though I still long for the taste of my home soil. Does this longing ever go away?


I must start again. The idea is frightening because in starting again, everything is reset. Possibilities become endless once again. I can remain the same or I can change. In heading towards a new future, I must leave things behind. Or, at least, that's what I thought.


But, in exploration of my longing for what now seems gone and my fear of flying brighter and unknown skies, I realize that nothing is left behind. I was shaped by who and from where I came. I am their Elizabeth. My begingings are always with me and by sharing myself, I share my beginings. With begingings I can have an end, an end I create within my present and future. And so, by starting again, I work toward a fusion of beginings and ends that when looked back upon may be called a good life, my good life.